Student Survival 101–How to survive this winter break

By Alyse Allred

Squeaking hallways. Holiday music between classes. A holly, jolly atmosphere mingled with the “get us the heck out of here” aura. All the signs are pointing to one thing: Christmas Break.

It’s that wonderful time of year when we finally have time to do all the nothing that we’ve missed out on. The possibilities are practically endless.

However, just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. And nothing puts a damper on the holiday spirit like getting the family together for a good, old-fashioned funeral.

Which brings me to today’s topic: How not to die this holiday.

Probably the first roadblocks to overcome are the finals that loom before us. These, of course, pose a serious threat to our health; unfortunately, there really is no solution for this problem, which means that the only thing you can really do is buckle down and get through it, because dying = no credit.

After surviving the finals you may think that you’re home free, but this is not the case. In fact, there are dangers at every corner.

The first thing to watch for is the last-minute holiday shopping rush, which is almost as dangerous as Black Friday. Even innocent bystanders run the risk of being trampled underfoot by the hordes of desperate parents.

Should you ever end up locked in combat with one of these parents over some gadget that’s on your wish list, simply hand the item over and back away slowly, without breaking eye contact. Your life is probably worth more than your new Zhu Zhu Pet.

Another thing to watch for is our fellow teenage idiots. To anybody with a lick of sense, warnings about black ice should result in slower, more cautious driving. But heck, we’re teenagers, so by nature we’re contrary. In our minds “warning” means “go faster.” Even if you’re not at fault, that doesn’t keep you safe, so avoid danger areas such as parking lots with the telltale donuts of teenaged stupidity.

So, enjoy the holiday season, because before you know it, you’ll be back in school, slaving away once more.

Just try to make it back with most of your appendages still in place.

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