Here it is, Valentine’s Day, the so-called big time of your blossoming relationship. But before you start freaking out about buying the perfect flowers and superfluously expensive jewelry for your sweetheart, let’s take some time to fully understand this ancient holiday.

Valentine’s Day has become one of America’s most celebrated holidays, but why? Girls have this idealized view of having a day in which they have your full attention and get free stuff. Here’s some advice for this tricky situation.

If your girlfriend says, “We don’t have to do anything for Valentines Day…” DO NOT listen to her. As Admiral Ackbar of the rebel alliance says, it’s a trap. She expects you to prepare something to do, and she’ll probably be annoyed and slightly upset if you don’t do something.

Many guys wonder to what lengths their Valentine activities should go. It pretty much depends on how long you’ve been in the relationship. If you’ve been dating for a long time, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you can figure out for yourself what to do. If you can’t, firstly that’s pretty pathetic, and second, just think of what you know she’ll like. And if you don’t know what she likes, you should take some time to contemplate this thing you call a relationship.

If your relationship is still in the baby phase, here are some tips. Don’t go all out with all the flowers and cards and love poems and all that other stuff that Hallmark has made you believe is conventional. Frankly, if you do these things, she’s sure to be creeped out and feel super uncomfortable. In this stage, keeping it cool is the best option. Take her out to one of those sappy chick flicks that you hate, or take her to a nice dinner.

Just no declarations of your undying love for her… You’ll embarrass yourself.